| Ohio is for lovers, Kentucky is for Twilight Zone cops |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|11:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Zero Noël - Toi Et Moi | ] |
Storytime!
This post began with me updating you all on my life, but I'm going to leave that for a post tomorrow and share a story with you tonight. Lately, I couldn't say there had been much of anything that terribly interesting going on. I'd just been sticking to the going to work-working out routine which isn't necessarily a bad one, it's getting old. This weekend offered a break from that in so many ways! I'd been trying to keep in touch with some friends here and there, but that'd been meeting with limited success. When ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shinfisher_3 invited me to a wedding reception for his cousin then, I was only too happy to accept. It'd been a while since I'd seen him, and while hanging out and getting to meet his family was lovely, getting there and back was a whole nother story.
I've only ever hung around the Newport-Covington area in Kentucky, so when he told me that the country club-place the reception was at was much more farther in than there, I was prepared for an adventure. As soon as I got off the highway though, I knew I was fucked when I read the first line on the set of directions. The street in front of me was 12th street. If I turned right, I got on to 12th street West, and if I turned left, I got on to 12th street East. The directions read "1.Get off 1-75 2.Turn Left on to 12th street west". "Wait, what?" was my reaction to every set of turns there after. Curse you, Kentucky, and your one-way roads EVERYWHERE. I was a brown person in an expensive bloody suit cutting through backyards and seediest neighbourhoods you could possibly imagine. The possibilities were absolutely terrifying.
The way back was even worse. Oh God, how it was worse. I was feeling sort of iffy about leaving, given how absolutely convoluted the directions were, but I sallied on anyway. The first set of roadblocks I encountered were just that. Roadblocks blocking off like, every street I had to take. When I finally managed to work my way on to one of the thoroughfares on the directions, things still stayed their shitty course. I swear, I'd be driving on street A, and the directions would read "in one minute, turn left on to street B". Five minutes later, I'd get worried and look at a street sign, and where was I? On Street B. How the hell that happened was beyond me. Finally, there was the cop. Oh, that charming bastard. I can only hope that ravens feast on his eyes when he roasts in hell.
On my way home, I turn on the cabin light at a stoplight to look at directions and then turn it off and start driving. This is when I see this cop pull riiiiiight behind me. I start to wonder if there was something I did, but I realized that he didn't have his lights on. He was just there, behind me, matching speeds. I got sort of antsy, but decided to concentrate on driving and look for the next turn. So, I turn on the light and reach for the directions when I hear:
"TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND STOP READING"
I honestly thought it was some sort of joke at first. I mean, it's dark and I'm in the boonies of fucking Kentucky. It's not like I'm reading a bloody novella in my jeep! But nope, he did it again.
So, I take the next turn and figure I'm done with him. I reach for the directions again to figure out where I'm going when I hear again "TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND STOP READING" That rat bastard then decides to keep a distance of oh, I don't know...inches from the jeep. I am not kidding you. I wanted to pull over and let him pass or something but didn't because I was afraid I'd nick his cruiser. That son of a bitch followed me for HALF AN HOUR. From minutes from the reception all the way till the highway. All the while, "TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND STOP READING" "STOP READING OR I WILL DETAIN YOU". It'd be one thing if I knew where I was going, but this was ridiculous.
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Suffice to say, I was nothing short of a ball of nerves when I came home and oh, was I happy to be there.
While I guess I did get the proverbial "happy ending"....seriously, Kentucky is one fucked up place. |
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Waaaaasted!
amazed
thoughtful
amused
nostalgic
satisfied
Man, I am getting to see one awesome movie after the other this week. I got back from it a couple of hours ago, and "The Fall" was a FANTASTIC movie. I'm saddened it's in super-limited release around the country (The Esquire is like, the ONLY place in Cincinnati that's playing it. For such a movie though, talk about a tour-de-force of sights, sounds, and story! This movie is an absolute cornucopia of colour, sounds and crazy costuming. I'm not going to spoil the story for anyone because it's so epic-yet-heartwrenching in its story-within-a-story kind of way that I'd be doing you an injustice if I did. It's a very cool mix of having the perfect storyteller and the perfect listener. Roy spins the fabric of the world you see, and Alexandria brings it to its vibrant form with the imagine only children can muster. If nothing else, I totally urge you to watch the movie for the sheer feast that you will treat your eyes to. As for myself, I am totally smitten with Alexandria, and will probably continue my workout routine with awesome intensity so I can be a complete badass in a 
curious
indescribable
sleepy
pleased
frustrated
